Want a job scooping poop? 260 people do. They applied for a job opening on Craigslist posted by Guy Palumbo, owner of Roscoe’s Ranch, a 24-kennel outfit. Please consider Recession’s untold story

You want to be the kennel helper? You’re on the hook for the poop. You’ll spend part of every day scooping it up (if all digestive systems work as designed) or mopping it (when they don’t).

“Usually I get high-school kids applying. Or maybe a college kid for the summer. I’ve never seen anything like this.” says Palumbo.

Who now wants to be a dog-kennel assistant?

  • A laid-off graphic designer
  • A freelance photographer.
  • Two out-of-work teachers sent résumés.
  • Someone in their mid-40s who had worked as a financial controller at an environmental services company.
  • Past customer-service reps from WaMu, AT&T;, J.C. Penney and Sprint.
  • Retail clerks and cashiers.
  • Out-of-work waiters.

They may say the recession’s over, on paper or on the nightly news. Palumbo’s electronic stack of résumés says otherwise.

“It’s simply amazing to me, and I still can’t believe it,” he said, “that from age 14 up into their 60s this many people are dying to be a minimum-wage dog-kennel assistant.”

In a spoof response “Cat” says …

We are forming dog kennel poop scrapers union #223. It’s quite obvious that Palumbo’s kennel is in need of 2 poop scooper and a fair wage of $65k/year plus full benefits. Of course we require enough fees out of those paychecks to pay my salary as well. I will be in touch.

Why stop there?

Cat pooper scoopers must have a union as well. And what about hampster sitting?

Think of the things dogs eat, cats too. Especially the latter. Cat handlers might pick up bird flue because cats chase and eat birds.

Some sort of pay scale parity between cat and dog scoopers needs to be finalized.

Moreover, it should be crystal clear these workers need training in hazardous waste handling. Because of likely accidents, it goes to reason that pooper scoopers need to retire at age 45 with full benefits to account for shortened lifespans.

And what about mandatory shower systems? Every hazardous waste site should have showers and proper disposal of wastewater, all handled by properly trained union workers of course.

Mike “Mish” Shedlock
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